better
F A M
I L Y
J o b
G o n e
A w a y
Unem ploym ent isn’t just a financial strain, it’s a
fam ily one. Minimize the stress o f a job loss with
these tips,
by S T E P H E N C . G E O R G E
YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED:
B y th e e n d o f 2 0 0 8 , m o re th a n
2.6 m illio n A m e ric a n jo b s v a n ish e d , th e w o rs t jo b -lo s s to ta l in 6 0 y ears.
A n d th a t p a ce h a s n ’t a b a te d m u c h so fa r th is year.
U n e m p lo y m e n t is a h a rd re a lity th a t m a n y fam ilies h av e h a d to face,
p e rh a p s y o u rs in clu d ed . You k n o w th a t it affects y o u r finances, b u t
th e re ’s so m e th in g else yo u sh o u ld c o n sid e r to o —n u m e ro u s stu d ie s link
eco n o m ic stress, p a rtic u la rly jo b loss, w ith a n in c re a se in fam ily
p ro b lem s. In o th e r w o rd s, y o u r c h ild re n a re affected ju s t as m u c h as you.
“A s w ith e v e ry th in g in life, c h ild re n look to yo u to figure o u t h o w to
re a c t to a situ atio n ,” say s J u d ith M a rg eru m , Ph.D ., a p sy c h o lo g ist b a se d
in S o u th field , M ich ig an , a n d sp o k e sp e rso n for th e A m erican
P sychological A sso ciatio n . “I f y o u ’re p a n ic k ed a b o u t lo sin g a jo b , y o u r
k id s w ill b e too. E ven b ab ies re a c t to e le v ated stre ss levels in th e h o u se.”
N o m a tte r h o w to u g h th e e c o n o m y g e ts, p a re n ts still h a v e to re p o rt
fo r w o rk e v e ry d a y a t th e jo b th a t m a tte rs m o st o f all—ra is in g kid s. You
c a n h e lp y o u rs feel sa fe a n d se c u re e v e n in th e w o rs t o f tim es.
E A S I N G L I T T L E M I N D S
W hile children as you n g as 5 o r 6 can
grasp w h a t th at U -w ord m eans, babies and
toddlers d on’t have th e first clue. “B ut they
are em otional sponges. T h ey w ill pick up
on y o u r an x iety ” says M argerum .
STAY ON SCHEDULE
Y oung c h ild ren are
h a p p ie r an d less an x iety -p ro n e if th ey
have a co n sisten t ro u tin e. T h a t’s doubly
tru e w h e n a p a re n t loses a job. So w h e n
C h ristian B agley’s w ife, Jen , w as let go
from h ers, w h a t did th e co u p le do to
p re p a re th e ir 2-year-old d au g h ter?
“N othing,” says C hristian, a D elaw are-
b ased m an ag er for a n in su ran ce firm .
“N o th in g different, I m ean.” As m u ch as
th ey could, th e couple k ep t th e little girl
on th e ro u tin e sh e w as used to.
S om etim es th a t’s ju s t n o t possible, as
w h e n p a re n ts take th e ir ch ild ren o u t o f
d ay care to save m oney. I f you can afford
it, red u c e d ay c are tim e over a co u p le o f
w eek s to m ake th e tran sitio n easier.
KNOW WHEN TO WALK AWAY
T h e re ’S
stress eno u g h w ith looking for a n e w job.
A dd a crying baby o r insistent to d d ler to
th e m ix and it’s eno u g h to p u t any p aren t
on overload. E xpect th is and plan for it.
“K now y o u r b reaking p o in t If you’re
ab o u t to boil over, give y o u r ch ild —and
yourself—a tim e-out,” says M argerum . P u t
th e baby in th e crib o r playpen. Sit your
to d d le r in front o f a favorite toy o r video,
and give yourself a few m in u tes to sip a
cup o f tea an d pull it together.
a d d IN
YOU
TIME
O n e o f th e b e st th in g s
you can do, e m o tio n ally a n d financially,
w h e n u n em p lo y ed is to se t aside a
reg u la r tim e ev ery w eek —o r ev ery day
if you n e ed it—to c o n n e c t w ith a
sp o u se, a relative, o r a frien d an d voice
y o u r fru stra tio n s a n d w o rrie s w ith o u t
fear o f y o u n g e r e a rs h e a rin g you. “A
ch at, a n ig h tly w alk, a p h o n e call—
w h a te v e r it is, m ak e su re it’s a reg u lar
p a rt o f y o u r ro u tin e,” says E llen
G alinsky, p re s id e n t o f th e F am ilies an d
W ork In stitu te in N ew York. N ot only
2 4 4 SEPTEMBER 2009 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS
P H O TO : JU P ITER IMAGES
